I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize