My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
