I accidentally burped into my bong.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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