I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
