I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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