Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
