It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
