is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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