all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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