I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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