Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
