My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize