But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
