So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
