I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
