If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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