this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
