I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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