Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
