would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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