he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
