I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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