he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
