i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
