these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
