i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
