i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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