Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
