I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
