I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
