i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
