before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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