His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
