i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They have beer where we have blood.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
