Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just had sex on a roof
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
