oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
