Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
