Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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