I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
