I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
