I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
