I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just forgot I was standing up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
