Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
