hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
