Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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