After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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