dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
