There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to calm my uterus...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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