I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
