Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
