I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
