dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
