dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
