I think my fart just growled at me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
