When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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