How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
