WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
