She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
