I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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