I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
