We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Couch. On fire.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
