my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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