She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
