no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
