I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And then he peed in my hair
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