Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How external is "for external use only"?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
