happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
