Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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