For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
