38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
