You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
