my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
